When it comes to finding romantic interest of the preferred partner in you, flirting is probably the only indirect way to figure that out. It is an age-old dance where one person communicate romantic interest while trying to avoid outright rejection. When done appropriately, flirting helps the other person to see you in the right persepctive.

When done skilfully, flirting paves the way for increased chemistry and connection. But since flirting is a skill, it can go wrong many times despite our best efforts.

There are many things in life that you may regret but not able to flirt appropriately to maximise your success will cause a lot more regret than in any other scenario.

There are several common mistakes that can completely derail flirtatious interactions, causing interested parties to miss out on potential romantic opportunities. In this article, we will take a look at the three common mistakes that people make while flirting.

Three Common Flirting Pitfalls

According to the research conducted by Fichten and colleagues (1992), three prevalent flirting pitfalls can sabotage mutual attraction:

  1. Negativity Bias: Often, individuals tend to fixate more on negative cues, overlooking positive signals of romantic interest. This bias can cause them to misinterpret or dismiss genuine signs of attraction.
    • For instance, a person may overlook warm smiles and prolonged eye contact, focusing instead on minor instances of disengagement, thereby missing out on potential romantic connections.
  2. Over-reliance on Verbal Communication: While words play a vital role in flirting, overemphasizing verbal communication at the expense of nonverbal cues can lead to misinterpretation.
    • Consider a scenario where someone engages in playful banter and witty conversation, intending to flirt. However, their stiff body language and lack of eye contact may convey a different message, leaving the recipient unsure of their intentions.
  3. Lack of Face-to-Face Interaction: In an era dominated by digital communication, relying solely on texts, dating apps, or video calls can hinder the ability to gauge chemistry and pick up on subtle physical cues.
    • Two individuals may enjoy captivating conversations and flirtatious exchanges online, but when they finally meet in person, the absence of physical proximity and touch may dampen the spark they felt digitally.

What are the 3 common flirting errors men often make?

  1. Being Too Aggressive:
    • Error: Approaching someone with overly forward or aggressive behavior can make them feel uncomfortable and can come across as intimidating. For example, using a pickup line that’s too suggestive or invading someone’s personal space without permission.
    • Right Way: Take a more subtle and respectful approach. Start by initiating a friendly conversation and gauging the other person’s interest before making any romantic advances. Respect their boundaries and give them space to feel comfortable.
  2. Focusing Solely on Physical Appearance:
    • Error: Commenting excessively on someone’s physical appearance or making superficial compliments can make the other person feel objectified and unappreciated for their other qualities.
    • Right Way: Show genuine interest in the person beyond their looks. Ask about their interests, hobbies, or opinions on various topics. Compliment them on their personality, sense of humor, or talents to demonstrate that you appreciate them for more than just their appearance.
  3. Ignoring Social Cues:
    • Error: Failing to pick up on social cues indicating disinterest or discomfort can lead to awkward or uncomfortable situations. This might involve not recognizing when someone is not reciprocating your flirtatious behavior or continuing to pursue someone after they’ve indicated they’re not interested.
    • Right Way: Pay close attention to the other person’s body language and verbal cues. If they seem disinterested or uncomfortable, gracefully back off and respect their boundaries. Responding to their cues shows that you’re attentive and respectful of their feelings, which is essential in successful flirting.

What are 3 common flirting errors women often make?

  1. Not Initiating or Showing Interest:
    • Error: Assuming that your physical appearance alone will convey your interest is a mistake. Waiting for him to make the first move might lead to missed opportunities.
    • Right Way: Take the initiative to show your interest through conversation, body language, or subtle hints. Letting him know you’re interested can open the door for further interaction and potential romantic connections.
  2. Talking About Other Suitors:
    • Error: Mentioning other people who are interested in you might make him feel like he’s just another option rather than someone special.
    • Right Way: Focus on building a connection with him without comparing him to others. Show genuine interest in getting to know him and let your interactions with him speak for themselves.
  3. Being Too Mysterious

    Error: If you’re too mysterious and evade questions or withhold personal information, it can create barriers to communication and hinder the development of a genuine connection. Being overly mysterious might make the other person feel frustrated or confused, as they may struggle to understand your intentions or get to know you better.

    Right Way: While a bit of mystery can be intriguing, it’s essential to find a balance and share enough about yourself to foster meaningful conversation and connection. Sharing some information about your interests, hobbies, or background can help the other person relate to you and find common ground more easily.

Understanding Key Strategies for Successful Flirting

Understanding what makes flirting effective can significantly enhance one’s ability to attract and connect with potential partners. Menelaos Apostolou and Christoforos, in their study, have compiled a list of distinct flirting traits.

  1. Non-verbal Behavior: This includes traits such as an intense gaze, a nice smile, and a welcoming way of approach.
  2. Good Looks: Traits in this category encompass good dressing and overall charm.
  3. Intelligence: Key traits here are humor and having an interesting personality.
  4. Gentle Approach: This involves showing respect, patience, and kindness.
  5. Strong Interest and Romance: Traits such as tenderness, giving nice compliments, and showing intense interest fall into this category.
  6. Courage and Determination: Being direct and persistent are the main traits here.
  7. Mystery: This includes having unusual hobbies and originality.
  8. Cheerfulness: Being spontaneous and maintaining a positive attitude are key traits.
  9. Common Characteristics: Sharing common interests is essential in this category.

By understanding and incorporating these traits, individuals can enhance their flirting techniques, making them more effective in communicating romantic interest and building connections.


Apostolou M, & Christoforou, C. (2020) ‘The art of flirting: What are the traits that make it effective? Personality and Individual Differences.

Fichten, C. S., Tagalakis, V., Judd, D., Wright, J., & Amsel, R. (1992). Verbal and nonverbal communication cues in daily conversations and dating. The Journal of Social Psychology, 132(6), 751–769.